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Jan. 9th, 2012

Moi

That's it, I guess.

Six years, four months, two weeks down the drain.

And to think I actually wanted to pay for her to come out East to hang out with me this summer out of my prize money. I guess I don't have a best friend anymore.

Jan. 4th, 2012

Moi

Colorado isn't home anymore.

I've been here a few weeks and I realized... Colorado isn't home anymore.

I don't know if it's winter or what, but I had less motivation to go places. The only places I want to go are places I can go to with my family or my best friend.

I still don't have my license, and I think it's starting to get on my best friend's nerves, her constantly having to drive me everywhere. I guess I could get it, but problem number one- it's been nearly three years since the last time I drove. I've been thinking about relearning how to drive once I get back to DC. Maybe this summer... winter isn't exactly a good time to relearn driving skills.

DC really is home to me now. When my best friend was asking me what I liked doing while I was out, what came to mind was wandering around town, or going to museums... stuff I did in DC. She said that she and two of her friends all gave each other rides. But I can't do that. I'm worthless to her. Maybe this is why she hasn't talked as much about meeting up and doing stuff while I'm home...

I can't do as much for her and it's killing me.

When I was seventeen, I got mad at her for some reason and decided I wanted to kill off our friendship. I tried to turn her against me, but things held out for whatever reason and things got much better. If she really doesn't value me that much, maybe I should try what I tried at seventeen, except with a different tactic: ignoring her.

I do want things to work, but if she isn't as invested in it as much as before... Plus I've earned her trust as a good friend. I'd hate to give that up.

I don't even know anymore.

Dec. 18th, 2011

Moi

Ah, old essays...

"My daemon Benjohnny is handsome, brilliant, gentle, sarcastic, kind, a little crude at times, ambiverted, spits out whatever thing comes to them, and my daemon is simply me."

This was true of us at 18 and it's still true for us at 21. :)

I'm sure some of you remember when I wrote a daemonism persuasive essay- I did post it to TDF and Cat said something along the lines of how all instances of "daemonism" should be changed to "Digimon" or something like that. XD

I looked at it again, nearly three (!) years later. My God.

I NEED TO REWRITE THIS SHIT.

But at the same time, I don't want to.

Someday, over a year and a half from now, I'll find that essay again and rewrite it. I keep getting told how I'm such a brilliant writer by my professors now. I should have some kind of proof for that. Why not rewrite an essay from the beginning of college at the end of college?

I just hope I can remember XD
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Dec. 6th, 2011

Moi

Okay, your father's dying, but that still doesn't give you the right to be a bitch.

So I've already covered the dramallama with my professor on Facebook (tl;dr he canceled classes in a ragefit and higher-ups got concerned) but not the dramallama with my RA suitemate, which I hinted at with my "passive aggressive" status

OKAY LEAH I'M NOT BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE NOW :D

So one of my suitemates is an RA. I haven't had that many issues with her this semester, or so I thought. In October, she left me a note telling me to clean the bathroom since I forgot. No big deal, right? Except she didn't talk to me about it directly. The only times she's ever talked to me this semester is to tell me to get hair out of the sink. Benj and I think she has a big thing about cleanliness, but that doesn't fit with her hypocritical comment earlier this semester.

At the beginning of this semester, when our floor was having the first meeting with our RA, she was talking about the rules, and one included keeping your suites clean. My roommate and I exchanged looks at that point since there were some spilled coffee grounds on our bathroom floor. Our RA suitemate is the one with the coffee machine. That was the point where I became annoyed with her.

Back to the present~ Last week, the CRE (head of our dorm) called my roommate and I in to tell us we'd be moved to a different room next semester- our RA had requested that we be moved out and her two friends moved in instead. We were stunned since this was the first time we'd heard anything about this. The CRE seemed concerned when we told her the RA suitemate had never told us anything about this.

Yesterday, after getting back from a weekend in Maryland, I was talking to my roommate. She'd talked to our RA suitemate over the weekend and she'd told my roommate that she was fine with her staying. It was me she wanted out. Why? The bathroom problem, apparently. I was pissed that she hadn't even discussed the damn problem with me and wrote a note for her, leaving it on her door. I told her to come talk to me that night. Nothing.

I talked to my friends about it last night and they agreed she was avoiding me. This morning, I finally had a chance to talk to her, when I saw her come out of her room. So I pressed the doorbell in her room (Deaf college here- knocking wouldn't get her attention, but a doorbell with a light would) and she opened the door. I told her that I needed to talk to her.

She told me, "Sorry, my father's dying. Wrong time," and closed the door, leaving me in complete shock.

Uh. What?
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Sep. 26th, 2011

Moi

Meme- WIP stuff

Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Upon request, I will post a random line or two from any of these you choose. Assuming that the file adds up to a full line, that is.

Feel free to request as many times as you wish, and it's okay to ask for the same file more than once.


Let's see... I have:

-Ray
-Bend and Cort
-Brothers Conflicted
-Call from a Stranger
-Character Warehouse
-Jesus
-Penance
-Portal
-Train in the Woods
-Vision
-Zombie Story

And those aren't counting the ones in other folders in my "WIP" folder...
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Sep. 11th, 2011

Moi

On my name sign and tradition

When I was in sixth grade, my interpreter told me about Deaf culture. One of the things she explained to me was about name signs. Traditionally, in Deaf culture, other people usually give you a name sign, based on something about you. For example, if you had curly hair, your name sign would show that.

At the end of sixth grade, I decided that I wanted a new name sign. The one I'd had up to that point was a generic one and I didn't like it. (Oddly enough, Benj is the only one ever who uses that name sign for me. I don't know why.) So I decided to give myself a new name sign (which is against tradition. I didn't have any Deaf friends back then to give me one). I'd fallen in love with writing in fifth grade and decided to use that for my name sign.

For some weird reason, I chose the sign "draw" as my basis, not "writing". I tell people, when they ask, that I like reading, writing and drawing. In reality, I didn't get into drawing until I was fifteen or sixteen. But maybe I chose draw because it looks cooler, kinda, and the hand has the same orientation as reading, which I also loved. So I went from K-heart to K-draw when I was twelve, and it's stuck ever since.

I thought when I came to Gallaudet that I'd do away with this name sign and get a new one, since I'd broken tradition. But nobody could really think of a better name sign for me, so it's stuck. Funny that a name sign I picked when I was twelve still sticks, even eight years later. Is there anything at that age that really sticks?

I self-identified as a writer when I chose my name sign. For some reason, my family thought I was going to be a famous writer someday. Hah, like that'd ever happen. But I believed it. I thought I was a really great writer. That way of thinking would lead to my getting picked on later. It had to happen sooner or later, though.

I broke tradition by picking my own name sign. I might break tradition again if I really do choose to write this series of stories about a Deaf world I want to write since Deaf stories tend to be signed, not written. But I wanted that name sign when I was twelve, and I really want to write this series of stories.

Fuck tradition.

Sep. 5th, 2011

Moi

Thoughts on a Tumblr post

Tumblr post title: "Weimaraner dogs were first bred in Germany for hunting deer in a special manner; the dogs were trained to pursue stags low and from behind, and to leap at their victims' genitals and rip off these most vulnerable organs in a single bite. Today, if given a chance, many members of this breed will instinctively perform the same feat." (content: disproving the factoid in the title)

Someone reblogs it and adds, "Well that fact seems a little ridiculous."

My answer (not posted on my blog because I'd rather keep it free of commentary unless it's in a note on one of my factoids or answering a question that was sent in): Yes, it's ridiculous. But if you're naive or ignorant, you may not know any better. If some idiot redneck was looking through the book that this factoid is from and saw THAT factoid, what if they decided to get a Weimaraner and test that out for themselves? What if they actually trained a dog to attack a deer in the balls? What if this dog also attacked humans in the balls (if they have them)?

That is why I'm working on this blog. Wrong facts can lead to idiot decisions. Wrong knowledge is bad because it can also spread ignorance.

Of course, one could counter with the question, "Why would a redneck be reading in the first place?" I say, "This is just a hypothetical situation that shows how incorrect knowledge can be used for evil."
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Sep. 1st, 2011

Moi

Sometimes I really hate my religion. :/

So today was the first day for my Ethics in Social Media class, since one of the professors was late. I was chilling before class when this girl introduced herself to me. She was a second-semester transfer student.

I noticed she had a Kierkegaard book and wondered if she was taking a philosophy class. I asked her why she was reading that and she said she really agreed with Kierkegaard, on how he was frustrated with how many Christians weren't really Christians. They'd go to church and everything, but didn't truly call themselves Christian. That sounded interesting to me too.

I asked her if she was a Christian. She said she couldn't really call herself one, but she had read the Bible and could see that Jesus was God. A new believer! I asked her if she wanted to come to C3 (Campus Crusade for Christ), learn more about God. She said no. :(

The girl said that C3 didn't really believe the same as she did. She also said that C3 didn't support gays and lesbians. I said that some people in C3 did. She said she knew that, but generally, C3 seemed nice, sweet and meant well, but it just wasn't for her.

This frustrates me and makes me so angry. Christians are supposed to be loving and accepting of all. Isn't Jesus love, after all? Yet this girl, a new believer who could have really used our help and would also have benefited from having support from other believers, didn't feel like my school's Christian club would be accepting enough.

I do like C3, honestly. There are some really nice people in C3, and despite the few annoyances of the club, I like it. But it frustrates me so much that they're so conservative. I wish they were more liberal. Aren't many college students liberal?

To be fair, the conservative part lies mostly with the staff for C3. A husband and wife team are the staff for C3, and the husband is like our spiritual leader. They're also conservative Christians. We also have members who are conservative. But how many liberal Christians are in this club? Not many. There have only been two, to my knowledge- myself and another member who's since graduated.

I think the only thing to change this would be to bring in more liberal Christians, but the only ones I know aren't interested in joining C3 at all. I know God called me to join C3, to boost my faith, but it's trying times like these that really make me question His motives. =/

I could talk to that girl, tell her I'm a Christian and willing to help her, and that I'm cool with LGBT. But give her a support group of believers? That I can't do.
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Aug. 24th, 2011

Moi

Thoughts on this fall.

So this fall, I'll be:
-taking 17 credits, one of which will be counting for Honors credit
-working for C3
-working on my trivia blog/research project
-(hopefully) working at the library

I expect to be pretty busy this semester.

I've had an okay run on OKCupid, but the guy I've been chatting with on there hasn't said anything in about 3 weeks. :I I think I may make it inactive for this semester, but I want to see how I handle stuff first.

I can't wait to get my stuff out of storage, or to rearrange my room how I like it 8D Otherwise, not much to look forward to til Monday.

P.S. Anyone here a fan of Hemingway? HOW DO YOU STAND IT?!
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Jul. 18th, 2011

Moi

Something I just realized...

My sophomore year of high school: I had a crush on a guy with dark curly hair who loved playing video games, had a February birthday, liked acting like a dick, and was a mutt from three different ethnicities/races. I ended up asking him out at the end of the year and got turned down.

My sophomore year of college: I had a crush on a guy with dark wavy hair who loved playing video games, had a February birthday, liked acting like a dick, and was a mutt from three different ethnicities/races. I ended up confessing my crush to him and he asked me out, with me eventually accepting.

Weird. O.o Four years apart, kinda-similar guys, similar circumstances but totally different outcomes.

If Dana loves red hair, guess I love mutt Pisces guys with wavy/curly hair who like playing video games and acting like a dick. xD;

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